Korea needs a Leave Out Violence program but not just in their schools they should have Anti violence classes or course workshops in work places too . Violence has been part of their lives for a very long time. Let me explain myself by what I mean when I say Violence violence to me is anything to causes any type of pain to another.
Bullying, name calling , stalking, these are some of the things you can find alot in Korea. Bullying seems to be a normal thing and is not taken as seriously as it should people are killing themselves everyday needlessly in Korea. Parents have gone through the same trails in their lives and so they do not put a stop to it instead figure that they over came it so would their child? who knows all I know is people have died and will continue to die until something is done about the violent ways of their people. Everyone is affected by bullying and all the rest but no one is doing anything to change things to make things better for all Koreas people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kd9-OORlV0&feature=share&list=PL4317589E2AC0E6C8
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
My motherhood story
My Motherhood story
If you are reading this you are very special and important to me.
let me take you inside both my heart and mind as I explain how I chose to become a mother.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mother, when I was 12 I started dreaming about owning an orphanage and adopting many kids , all the kids really.
When I was 13 I started having dreams I would be a single mother, those dreams scared me very much. Over the course of my life I became to realize not only how much I desired having a family of my own , but how strong I truly was.
The older I was getting the more I was sure I wanted to be a mother more than anything , when I held Ryanna Byanka Thomas and Andii for the first time I always wished for a child of my own to love and nurture.
every year I knew my chances of being a mother were slimming, I wasn't very good at talking with men and non of the ones I met wanted a family. I knew the older I got the harder it would be to have a child, time is not always kind to a woman's body.
I was coming to realize I had 2 choices in life, I could continue to wait for (the one) a man to enter my life and make me his wife and mother of his children , or I could make my own dreams come true. I know many look down on the method I was considering but was I willing to risk living a life without having the one thing I always yearned for? would I wait and then regret never having the family I wanted. I knew by the time I was even likely to find a man and be ready to settle down with him , my chances to have a child would have lessened considerably. I wanted to know I would have a chance at meeting my grandchildren should my child ever have children of their own somewhere in the future. And so in the last days of July I decided I was going to find out about Artificial Insemination, I had already started to think about baby names and was excited at the thought of having a child to love and raise.
On the 6th of August I called and made an appointment on the 8th I was seeing a doctor talking about being pregnant and all it entailed I was so excited. I was nervous it was a big step to take all alone, I knew I would have support and that helped keep me calm. I had decided on the final names I would name my child or children in case I happened to have twins. I decided if I had a daughter she would be named after my dear and departed friend Ira her name would be spelled Aira and would use the Japanese characters that made her name mean love orchid her middle would be Jackielen = Jacquelen I had long since decided son or daughter Jack would be part of their name. JACK is used for the women who made me who I am June Jessie Angie Christina Christal Karen my mother my sisters of heart soul and blood and my second mother. Ja ki len in Japanese means Attractive/Captivate precious Lotus where as my boy Ren Jacksen means Lotus.
I had made some decisions about who I would have as god parents and whom I would have take care of you should I ever perish before you were of legal age to care for yourself. If I had a daughter Aira would have 2 godmothers Christal and Angie if I had a son Mat would be Ren's godfather. Should I expire before my time Angelika would be the one to raise my child. I picked Mat as a godfather because I trust him to teach you the difference between right and wrong, he will love you and cherish you. Christal is my big sister who loved and cherished and protected me my whole life she would always love you and keep you safe. Angie she was my choice for so many reasons you see recently before I had completely made my choice about having a baby I watched a movie it will be an old movie by the time you read this but I think it will still be a good one. The movie Raising Aunt Helen is about an aunt who ends up becoming responsible for her departed sisters 3 children . The sister had written a letter as to why Helen had gotten the guardianship instead of their older sister the one who seemed like the best choice being a mother herself. In the letter it said " it's not about who would be the best for the job but who is most like the mother they have lost."
I was puzzling over those words of truth and the simple truth was no one is like me but she will love like me and respect you like me. Angie knows how to care and love and treasure a child and person so completely. I know she would not steer you wrong and would love you cherish you protect and guide you the way only a mother can, the way only someone who truly loves you would. You will never be alone in life as long as my dear friends and their families are around. If Angie can't take care of you Christina will for those exact reasons. These two women are my best friends and they mean the most to me they are the best candidates to take my place as your mother when my time to cross the river of life comes.
I had already decided which man would be the donor by the night of August 8th , it was the first profile I read. He was a Korean man well educated and had similar interests to my own. He was a kind man who wanted to help others who couldn't have children on their own have children. He was a married man with two sons of his own , how many children he had fathered through donation I do not know. I worry about how you will feel about such things, I hope to love you enough that not having a father does not burden you. I picked the man who biologically is your father because I felt he was the right person to help my dreams of being a mother come true. you will maybe wonder why I decided on a man who was Korean instead of another person the same as myself, I wanted a Korean baby because I loved how open Koreans seemed to be. I wanted an Asian baby , I believe in the Asian practice of family being an important blessing and coming first and foremost. Though times have changed a great deal. I picked Korean out of all Asians because at the end of the day I find them to be the most beautiful of men. I know you will be such an amazing wonderful part of my life and I look forward to the life we will share. Like the lotus we will start on the bottom of the pound and grow into something of beauty and strength. I will keep writing you throughout the pregnancy and throughout the tough times in our life together, I will write the profound questions you ask as a child and their answers so you may always remember the truths of what we shared.
During the next while not much happened, I needed to do tests to make sure I was healthy enough to have a baby. no one in the family knew about my choice to have a baby no one except Auntie Wendy and Uncle Lou. I wanted it to be a surprise for Nanny . I talked about being a mother and the hopes I have for our life together with my friends online , we got pretty silly sometimes but it kept me happy and worry free. Even though I have chosen to be a mother it was still very scary for me, but I couldn't wait til the day I could hold my precious child in my arms.
I had to talk to a shrink because I was going to have a baby with a donor they want to make sure you are ready to raise children in a special way. She was shocked when I told her I was writing this journal for you , shocked and pleased I was thinking about you to this degree. I was given a book that talks about how I should explain the circumstances of your birth to you. I disagreed with it however and so I will tell you in my own way . In the ways I have been telling you all along, I was given help by someone who cared enough to help women have the babies they wanted to love.
Sometimes I felt like people were trying to scare me from becoming a mother, my friends online calmed me and supported me telling me I was doing right. There was one night I was talking with my friend Sijin about my visit with the shrink and how I didn't agree with the method to tell you about being born through a donor and we started to talk about how I could tell you how babies are made and where they come from. this is a copy of that conversation.
I'll use the kids fave meal as an example xD
[9:09:04 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: LoL. recipe.. only GOD knows what..
[9:11:02 PM] Marie: well honey making a baby is making mac and cheese you see mommys insides is like the pot we cook the noodles in the water is like mommy's love filling the pot full the noodles are given from inside the daddy devotion is like the cheese and maturity is the butter that melts on top of it responsibility is the bowl we put the mac and cheese in and eat from trusting that it will taste delicious xD
[9:11:50 PM] Marie: bam! there is the baby recipe xD
[9:11:56 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: kyaaaaaa ~ ~ i love mac and cheese!
[9:12:09 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: i just had breakfast.. now im hungry ><
[9:12:14 PM] Marie: haha
[9:12:25 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: LOL. baby recipe! gosh... cant you be less creative Marie?
[9:12:26 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: XD
[9:12:30 PM] Marie: my baby recipe made you hungry o.O HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!
we laughed over it for a long while as I write this I think to myself there is no way I will really explain thing to you in such a way but I must smile knowing I really might.
I almost did not get the donor I wanted I was worried I prayed and prayed and prayed and in the end god answered my prayers and I was able to get the donor I felt was my perfect match. The donor who biologically is your father however I hope that by the time you read this you will have a father in all the ways that count heart soul and spirit. a father who loves you as though you are of his flesh.
I was inseminated on November 6th 2012 it was a very fast process, I prayed a lot hoping and wishing that it worked and that I would be having a bundle of joy to care for in 9 months time. I was a little sick when I got it done and it cause minor difficulties , I wasn't sure what I go do to get back to health and not risk losing the baby I may or may not have been pregnant with. The day after insemination I was very ill the day after it as well . I had migraines and was sensitive to the light, it was not pleasant and still I prayed hoping god would keep not only me healthy but the life I was hoping to bring into this world as well . I asked god to help heal me so that I could be healthy and bring a child into the world. I thanked god for answering my prayers thus far and told him how I wanted to do right raise my child to help others and care for their peers.
The next day it seemed like morning sickness was coming over me but honestly I still have no idea if it was morning sickness or just sickness. I decided to go to Ottawa to spend time with Uncle Dan I knew I could heal and rest there since I was having a hard time sleeping in my home with Uncle Gary's friend Luc over. And so I left for a week and it felt great! I found out that Wed Nov 13th that Aunty Nadia was pregnant again . I worried about Nanny I knew she would be hurt because Uncle Luc and her are not talking and he does not let her see your cousins. I decided then as soon as I knew I was pregnant I would tell Nanny , I hoped that maybe it would make her a little less sad knowing that there was a child expected to come into the world that she could welcome with open arms who would welcome her with a open heart. Family and Friendship are the most important things to me, no matter what they do we must always love and cherish those relationships. God brought us together for a reason we need each other we can bring out the best as we can bring out the worse in each other. No matter how many times I am hurt and betrayed no matter how many times they do things I do not agree with I love my family , I will love you with everything I have and I hope you will never feel burdened by the family I brought you into.
If you are reading this you are very special and important to me.
let me take you inside both my heart and mind as I explain how I chose to become a mother.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mother, when I was 12 I started dreaming about owning an orphanage and adopting many kids , all the kids really.
When I was 13 I started having dreams I would be a single mother, those dreams scared me very much. Over the course of my life I became to realize not only how much I desired having a family of my own , but how strong I truly was.
The older I was getting the more I was sure I wanted to be a mother more than anything , when I held Ryanna Byanka Thomas and Andii for the first time I always wished for a child of my own to love and nurture.
every year I knew my chances of being a mother were slimming, I wasn't very good at talking with men and non of the ones I met wanted a family. I knew the older I got the harder it would be to have a child, time is not always kind to a woman's body.
I was coming to realize I had 2 choices in life, I could continue to wait for (the one) a man to enter my life and make me his wife and mother of his children , or I could make my own dreams come true. I know many look down on the method I was considering but was I willing to risk living a life without having the one thing I always yearned for? would I wait and then regret never having the family I wanted. I knew by the time I was even likely to find a man and be ready to settle down with him , my chances to have a child would have lessened considerably. I wanted to know I would have a chance at meeting my grandchildren should my child ever have children of their own somewhere in the future. And so in the last days of July I decided I was going to find out about Artificial Insemination, I had already started to think about baby names and was excited at the thought of having a child to love and raise.
On the 6th of August I called and made an appointment on the 8th I was seeing a doctor talking about being pregnant and all it entailed I was so excited. I was nervous it was a big step to take all alone, I knew I would have support and that helped keep me calm. I had decided on the final names I would name my child or children in case I happened to have twins. I decided if I had a daughter she would be named after my dear and departed friend Ira her name would be spelled Aira and would use the Japanese characters that made her name mean love orchid her middle would be Jackielen = Jacquelen I had long since decided son or daughter Jack would be part of their name. JACK is used for the women who made me who I am June Jessie Angie Christina Christal Karen my mother my sisters of heart soul and blood and my second mother. Ja ki len in Japanese means Attractive/Captivate precious Lotus where as my boy Ren Jacksen means Lotus.
I had made some decisions about who I would have as god parents and whom I would have take care of you should I ever perish before you were of legal age to care for yourself. If I had a daughter Aira would have 2 godmothers Christal and Angie if I had a son Mat would be Ren's godfather. Should I expire before my time Angelika would be the one to raise my child. I picked Mat as a godfather because I trust him to teach you the difference between right and wrong, he will love you and cherish you. Christal is my big sister who loved and cherished and protected me my whole life she would always love you and keep you safe. Angie she was my choice for so many reasons you see recently before I had completely made my choice about having a baby I watched a movie it will be an old movie by the time you read this but I think it will still be a good one. The movie Raising Aunt Helen is about an aunt who ends up becoming responsible for her departed sisters 3 children . The sister had written a letter as to why Helen had gotten the guardianship instead of their older sister the one who seemed like the best choice being a mother herself. In the letter it said " it's not about who would be the best for the job but who is most like the mother they have lost."
I was puzzling over those words of truth and the simple truth was no one is like me but she will love like me and respect you like me. Angie knows how to care and love and treasure a child and person so completely. I know she would not steer you wrong and would love you cherish you protect and guide you the way only a mother can, the way only someone who truly loves you would. You will never be alone in life as long as my dear friends and their families are around. If Angie can't take care of you Christina will for those exact reasons. These two women are my best friends and they mean the most to me they are the best candidates to take my place as your mother when my time to cross the river of life comes.
I had already decided which man would be the donor by the night of August 8th , it was the first profile I read. He was a Korean man well educated and had similar interests to my own. He was a kind man who wanted to help others who couldn't have children on their own have children. He was a married man with two sons of his own , how many children he had fathered through donation I do not know. I worry about how you will feel about such things, I hope to love you enough that not having a father does not burden you. I picked the man who biologically is your father because I felt he was the right person to help my dreams of being a mother come true. you will maybe wonder why I decided on a man who was Korean instead of another person the same as myself, I wanted a Korean baby because I loved how open Koreans seemed to be. I wanted an Asian baby , I believe in the Asian practice of family being an important blessing and coming first and foremost. Though times have changed a great deal. I picked Korean out of all Asians because at the end of the day I find them to be the most beautiful of men. I know you will be such an amazing wonderful part of my life and I look forward to the life we will share. Like the lotus we will start on the bottom of the pound and grow into something of beauty and strength. I will keep writing you throughout the pregnancy and throughout the tough times in our life together, I will write the profound questions you ask as a child and their answers so you may always remember the truths of what we shared.
During the next while not much happened, I needed to do tests to make sure I was healthy enough to have a baby. no one in the family knew about my choice to have a baby no one except Auntie Wendy and Uncle Lou. I wanted it to be a surprise for Nanny . I talked about being a mother and the hopes I have for our life together with my friends online , we got pretty silly sometimes but it kept me happy and worry free. Even though I have chosen to be a mother it was still very scary for me, but I couldn't wait til the day I could hold my precious child in my arms.
I had to talk to a shrink because I was going to have a baby with a donor they want to make sure you are ready to raise children in a special way. She was shocked when I told her I was writing this journal for you , shocked and pleased I was thinking about you to this degree. I was given a book that talks about how I should explain the circumstances of your birth to you. I disagreed with it however and so I will tell you in my own way . In the ways I have been telling you all along, I was given help by someone who cared enough to help women have the babies they wanted to love.
Sometimes I felt like people were trying to scare me from becoming a mother, my friends online calmed me and supported me telling me I was doing right. There was one night I was talking with my friend Sijin about my visit with the shrink and how I didn't agree with the method to tell you about being born through a donor and we started to talk about how I could tell you how babies are made and where they come from. this is a copy of that conversation.
I'll use the kids fave meal as an example xD
[9:09:04 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: LoL. recipe.. only GOD knows what..
[9:11:02 PM] Marie: well honey making a baby is making mac and cheese you see mommys insides is like the pot we cook the noodles in the water is like mommy's love filling the pot full the noodles are given from inside the daddy devotion is like the cheese and maturity is the butter that melts on top of it responsibility is the bowl we put the mac and cheese in and eat from trusting that it will taste delicious xD
[9:11:50 PM] Marie: bam! there is the baby recipe xD
[9:11:56 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: kyaaaaaa ~ ~ i love mac and cheese!
[9:12:09 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: i just had breakfast.. now im hungry ><
[9:12:14 PM] Marie: haha
[9:12:25 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: LOL. baby recipe! gosh... cant you be less creative Marie?
[9:12:26 PM] SiJin Maxine Minnemi: XD
[9:12:30 PM] Marie: my baby recipe made you hungry o.O HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!
we laughed over it for a long while as I write this I think to myself there is no way I will really explain thing to you in such a way but I must smile knowing I really might.
I almost did not get the donor I wanted I was worried I prayed and prayed and prayed and in the end god answered my prayers and I was able to get the donor I felt was my perfect match. The donor who biologically is your father however I hope that by the time you read this you will have a father in all the ways that count heart soul and spirit. a father who loves you as though you are of his flesh.
I was inseminated on November 6th 2012 it was a very fast process, I prayed a lot hoping and wishing that it worked and that I would be having a bundle of joy to care for in 9 months time. I was a little sick when I got it done and it cause minor difficulties , I wasn't sure what I go do to get back to health and not risk losing the baby I may or may not have been pregnant with. The day after insemination I was very ill the day after it as well . I had migraines and was sensitive to the light, it was not pleasant and still I prayed hoping god would keep not only me healthy but the life I was hoping to bring into this world as well . I asked god to help heal me so that I could be healthy and bring a child into the world. I thanked god for answering my prayers thus far and told him how I wanted to do right raise my child to help others and care for their peers.
The next day it seemed like morning sickness was coming over me but honestly I still have no idea if it was morning sickness or just sickness. I decided to go to Ottawa to spend time with Uncle Dan I knew I could heal and rest there since I was having a hard time sleeping in my home with Uncle Gary's friend Luc over. And so I left for a week and it felt great! I found out that Wed Nov 13th that Aunty Nadia was pregnant again . I worried about Nanny I knew she would be hurt because Uncle Luc and her are not talking and he does not let her see your cousins. I decided then as soon as I knew I was pregnant I would tell Nanny , I hoped that maybe it would make her a little less sad knowing that there was a child expected to come into the world that she could welcome with open arms who would welcome her with a open heart. Family and Friendship are the most important things to me, no matter what they do we must always love and cherish those relationships. God brought us together for a reason we need each other we can bring out the best as we can bring out the worse in each other. No matter how many times I am hurt and betrayed no matter how many times they do things I do not agree with I love my family , I will love you with everything I have and I hope you will never feel burdened by the family I brought you into.
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