today

The school is a good band I love their music



School was interesting.

I wasn't there very long but I made some friends already.

I am nervous over the hotel stimulation aspect of the course and the fact 85% and up is a pass, also if I fail an exam I cannot go for an internship.

I am so nervous but so excited I am doing this, I am going to school and I am happy to be there.
When I got home today I felt so incredibly happy.

I just got in touch with Seung Hyun WooSungs mom WooSung is a little boy from the last daycare I was doing my internship at, I miss them both very much.

I have arranged to meet with them sometime next week after school, I will be happy to see them again.

changes

I love this Ozzy song

times are changing but staying the same.

I have taken a chance to get ahead in life to work towards going to Malaysia.
People tell me Iam foolish and stupid putting my trust in a man I have never met.
"Why go to a place where you know no one a place where you have no one just because you believe you are in love with someone you met online" it is because I love him I want to be there and be with him to live a life away from my laptop or pc screen or long distance calls(not that they bother me).
I am starting school in hotel reception tomorrow morning, I figured it was a good thing to get a diploma in if I was going to go to a different country working in a hotel seems like a good idea.

I do not know what to expect taking the course , I do not know even what I am hoping for other then accomplishing my goal of getting that diploma in 6 months.
hoping to have something to use when I leave my country for his.
I wanted to leave here no matter what it doesn't even matter where I go or whom for/with.

I just gave up my food for my month and every thing else so I can attend the school I will be getting by mainly on water for the month of september and maybe bread.
it will be a tight and tough month but I know I will pull through I will eat whatever I can get from my parents of coarse.

everything done is for a better tomorrow someday even if it takes a yeqr of misery I am sure one day those beak days will be majority sunshine filled days.

one of those days?

is today one of those days?
Maybe it is one of them earlier today I would have denied it saying today has been a great day.
When did my attitude change along with my mood?
I don't feel happy I feel miserable all of a sudden and yet I don't, I feel like I just want to cry.

Maybe I am being sensitive I don't know but a spot in my heart hurts and my eyes want to let out the built up mist in them.

I'm tired now I woke late and I napped taking my day as easy as possible enjoying my freedom.
I want to sleep and not wake til half my day has been wasted, but then I feel like a am a lazy no gooder.
I have learnt so much about myself and yet I have so much more to learn , life is a gamble so I have to roll my dice.
I have a cold I am not dying or feeling uncomfortable by it, I just sound sick and different. I have been treating the cold with healthy foods ,water,tea soup and naps.

I dont have much to say just needed to write a little to let the words slide out onto paper of some sort.

I may have made people worry since I left in a manner very much not like me, my stomach hurts now I feel kinda guilty.

This song meant alot to me when I first heard it in the 10th grade or so back when I was a fan of "suicide" techno music.

ex and current

I think there should be some kinda rule about ex's and currents being friends unless they were friends before hand.

I do not think it is wise for a current gf to befriend an ex gf as a matter of fact its fucking crazy.
It is one thing if the two are already friends and know each other well however, if you have never met do not go and befriend his ex you are asking for trouble.
What can a person hope to gain from befriending their bfs ex gf? nothing just a heartful of doubt and insecurity.
People change on rare occassions a scum of the earth guy can change his ways for someone it's a rare occurance but it can happen, the only thing his gf would gain from talking to an ex is a whole lots of doubt on his sincerity.

My exs gf decided to befriend me on facebook, we all had a feeling it was her.
My bestfriend Angie once asked me " why are you telling her everything and answering all her questions" that was an easy question to answer.
I am not one who lies I am not saying I have never lied but it is my belief that things are best said openly and honestly, besides as I told Angie if she wants to go digging her own grave let her she wants the truth I will give it to her let her deal with the facts.
The gf was curious as to why I told her everything so honestly and I told her " look I will tell you what I told my bestfriend Angie if you want to drive yourself crazy with doubt over the things that happened in my relationship with your bf go right ahead its not my problem you wanted the truth I gave it to you and you have to admit after I told you everything you started to doubt more and more" and she admitted to me that she had in fact started to doubt him more after I had told her about our past together.

She puzzles over my relationship with him in hopes of finding answers for her relationship with him. There are no answers to be found in a past relationship that was doomed to fail from the start, the only answer in it would be for her to become an ex as well.

I am an honest person I tell things as they are and as I see them , I believe every friendship should start openly and so I am an open book this is my way of trying to avoid misunderstandings by showing my true colours from start to end.

I have been single for along time now over 2 in a half year.
I have been in love with my bestfriend since around this time in 2008 I was already interested and half in love with my bestfriend while I was still seeing my ex even if he had not decided to date his current gf we would have gone our seperate ways because I would have dumped him for my bestfriend even if I could not yet hold him.

Regardless of my love for another better man, my exs gf doubts so much that she doubts my love and devotion to my bestfriend whom I want to move away from Canada to be with.
Asking me if I am with her boyfriend even though she knows her bf hates me and wants to throw me infront of a bus as he has not only told me but has said in front of her several times before.

I find it annoying to have to put up with that she says to me to try and undestand that she is going through alot, who better to know what you are going through then someone who has been there before you?
I can understand if I had just broken up with him a few months passed but 2 in a half years stop asking me and look for a different girl to accuse.

I do Not Want Need or Desire her bf I know what I am missing and it aint much, takes more then good sex to keep this girl satisfied. And seeing as how he is the only guy I had sex with that I truly wanted and meant to sleep with I cannot confirm he really is good in the sac, never mind the fact I found out he had a gf before me who dumped him because she claimed he was bad in bed.

I'll end this blog here for now leaving you with a song I relate to soo well if only it was about a guy and not a girl

unfaithful

so much has happened recently my mind is spinning over everything.

I have had married men trying to sleep with me and hitting on me the passed week.

I hate men who are unloyal and unfaithful.

Almost all my ex boyfriends have cheated on me and betrayed me.

On facebook a girl added me and I have always suspected that there was a relation between her and my exs Girlfriend , I never confronted her about it and answered every question she asked me.
She had decided to meet me but that had never happened, I thought I was nuts to go meet my exs girlfriend.
I was able to do such things as talk to her and meet her and such because I have been completely over my ex for a long time now.

Today I got a call from the girl and she sounded like a broken women, she confessed to me that she had the feeling I was the best person to talk to and confessed her identity.
She apologized for hiding her identity from me and then she asked if she could meet me, I accept to meet her right away.
Karina's voice it clutched deep inside my heart and crushed down on it, I knew her pain I lived through it before.
We spoke on the phone about an hour and my heart was breaking for her, I lived through the same heart break by the same man in the same way as she now is.

We met up and spoke for about 4 in a half hours, the whole time she was shaking and fighting back tears.

We shared our stories of our times together with him the bad things he did to us, She told me his parents talk bad about me and so I deleted them from my facebook.

The man she told me about was a stranger a man I never met had been born, he became a monster abusive and controlling.
I am happy to have never met that man but wish she had never met him either, she doesn't deserve the pain he has put her through.
She thought I hated her and thought I would be upset with her, I am not a hateful person.
I want to be her friend and help her through her hard time, I wonder if that means something is wrong with me.
I know her pain so well I feel like I am reliving my most painful heart break times all over.
The thing that is most amazing is that he is engaged to her, wants to have children with her and yet cheats on her and she is dying. He is betraying a dying woman who is going for heart surgery next month.
Men like that do not know what love is, I pray he gets what he has given 10 fold the pain we have felt thanks to his actions.

I will end this blog here with a video every women who has been cheated on will feel and understand.

writing

I have been writing fan fictions for my old dear friend Evelyn and completely neglected my Blog, SHAME ON ME!

I guess I haven't felt the need to share random thoughts, knowledge or emotions with the world.

In the time since I last posted I have done various things let me tell you about the things I have done.

I have spoken my mind on a matter that was very sensitive to certain friends, however it was time to state my standing in the matter before I managed to allow myself to be further burried in the pain of the situation . I had known there would be pain however I had never meant to play a big part/ role in all that transpired so I took myself out of the equation.

I had a scabby scare I had kept that secret from most people but yes indeed my niece Ryanna somehow got scabbies and everyone who had been in close contact with her was likely to have caught it. I am so happy I was lucky enough to not catch it from her.

I wrote a full erotic story for my friend in less then 24 hours Evelyn was proud and enjoyed reading it haha.

I taught a friend tips on how to talk more naughty to her boyfriend in messenger.

I had explained to someone what a hard on is....that was awkward!

I drank 3 bottles of fruit wine while drinking with some of my female relatives, I also gave them all shit for bad mouthing my mother who wasn't there to tell her side of the story or what not. I mouthed off my sister for giving us shit about respect but then disrespecting our mother by talking badly behind her back, she may not be the best but she is our mother and she does deserve our respect.

I ordered a smart phone off the internet for 60 some odd dollars I should have it by the 21st.

I have been going to bed at horrible times sleeping long hours but still being tired.

Everynight for half a week I have been going to dunkin donut at no earlier then midnight though 2 o clock is the time thats most common.

I bought a spinnich pizza the frozen kind and ate the whole thing to myself minus a very small piece.

I got hit on by a 7th grader and had a grampa offer me a ride

my stepdad gave me 40$ for nothing!!!! holy mother of god the world must be coming to an end!!!!!

I stayed up all night until 8:30 in the morning reading Cutie Boy a manga I was only vaguely interested in.

I made a backup copy of everything on my computer deleted the stuff then got my back up disc stolen

yeah thats about it lol or the rest is very personal and I do not want to share it lol..... hmm the video for today will be...... the best dance scene from the movie I am watching right now xD