confusion

am I happy sad or mad?
half the time I can no longer tell
I'm happy for you
I'm mad at you
I'm hurt from you
I'm angry at myself
for falling for a man I never met
and trusting a man I knew I shouldn't trust
two men I shouldn't have loved
I gave my full heart to
and here I sit wondering
will the next guy be that way too?
I can't stop myself from falling in love
but I can't allow it to be with someone far from me
I learn my lessons well enough
I never love the same way twice
this time around I just want a companion
someone to spend time with
no sex no love no commitment
just friendship admiration and friendly dates
I wanted happiness like you
but I wont claim it the way you did