Deep life long friendships just are not what they used to be anymore. As someone born in the mid 80s I must say its unbelievable how superficial friendships have become in 2026.
Growing up I had many "aunties" and "uncles" who were not my blood relatives at all. Some we would see on a weekly basis some monthly some it was scattered through the years . I still respect and talk to many of those "aunties " even when life took them and my mother down different paths in life to where they mainly only stay in touch by phone calls and Facebook posts. I have many of those "aunties" on my Facebook as well.
I even remember growing up talking to my grandfather's neighbors and friends . For many years even after he had passed away if I passed his neighbor from across the street I always made sure to stop and talk to Mr. Martin who always added in any conversation we had how my step-dad fixed his roof back when I was a little kid and he had never needed to get it fixed again.
Friends were easy to make in my childhood, I would just go to the park across the street and there would be neighborhood kids we wiuld just talk and play with one another. We never thought about our languages or backgrounds and some of those were our classmates from previous school until high school. A few even longer than that. I have "friends" from childhood that we are mainly friends on Facebook, some we still talk or hang out together.
Not many people I know have a circle of friends where the friendships span so many years . In my circle of friends I know 3 girls who all lived together who were sisters and cousins . I have known them 28 years already we have surpassed mere friendship so long ago . We are truly family they are my toddlers "aunties" another friend of ours two of us have known 25 years. That same other friend and I have known another friend 24 years . The one other friend that the rest of us are close to I've known at least 10 years now. My nieces and nephews can not say they have friendships that have lasted half or even all their lives except for the children of our friend group . That is just sad.
When I was a child you had to put real effort into the friendship or else it would fade away to acquaintance status. As adults though distance does not lessen the friendship because we have nurtured it with love, care and consideration for years. We are not petty and we do not judge each other because we know each other best after years of knowing the character of each friend. The obstacles we have over come together have connected our hearts so solidly to each other telling the truth "our truths" isn't something to fear. Making each other mad does not end our friendships though it might cause us to sulk and be mad a bit. We never let anger get in the way of the friendship because disagreements are okay , we dont all have to think the same way.
These days friendships are self serving for image or what one party can do or give to the other. Some friendships are simply to avoid loneliness. No real depth no deeper communication, no true effort, Just friends in passing. They see each other in school and keep each other company , they play games online after school or on the weekend . Maybe they are on the same sports team or in the same after school program. Maybe the same day camp or summer camp. They might go to a movie or concert together.
In my childhood and all the years growing into an adult we spent so much time together. Going places sleeping over at each other's homes calling one another parents mom and dad or even by name depending on the closeness and what the parent has requested we call them. These days everyone is too scared of what pervert might be living in the others home to allow sleep overs. I understand the fear especially now that I have a daughter. But there is a magical bonding that happens during sleepovers that so many kids now just aren't experiencing.
We are so consumed in these days with making the best of ourselves for the future we stop living for the here and now. Self help books and shutting ourselves in playing on consoles and phones. Always trying to prove our worth in the most worthless ways. How much we have , who we know how we equal up to men. Our sexual preferences now some type of status of hardship we have gone through and friendship circles having the "tokens" "token gay" "token black" so on so forth "friend" is just stupid we never considered any of that growing up we just liked who we liked lived and let live.
I wish for my daughter to have a best friend like i have had for close to 30 years. Where her friend sees me as a secondary mother figure that she can come to my home whenever hurt, scared or happy to share in heartbreak and success. Someone who stands by my daughters side no matter what. Many people were jealous of my friendship with my best friend even others we thought were friends tried to tear down our friendship. Our friendship was as close as sisters we spent every other day together with me sleeping at her house most weekends. I learnt what it meant to be part of a family thanks to her mother, sister , cousin and nanny as well as her stepdad. We celebrated holidays together, went on trips , camping, going to the movies , hiking and more. I would love to have some of my daughters friends do that with us as well. I would be a little sad if i had to share my girl with another family but if she has a circle like mine with those people I would be happy knowing she's well cared for.
My nieces and nephews (blood and otherwise) range in age from 6 months to 25 years old. And so far the older ones do not have even a fraction of the kind of friendship I have with my friends. Most of their closest friendships happen to also be their family (cousins) or our close circle of friends. My nieces closest friend was a friend of her mother's daughter but now they almost never see each other and I find it pretty lonely for her almost never having anyone to talk or play with except my daughter who is almost 10 years younger than her it really is just heartbreaking .
I believe the reason why there is so much depression and anxiety is a result of not forming deep personal relationships with others. Not taking deeper interest in those around us . Even dating is now about what you can get from the other or what you can do for them (I can change him mentality) instead of what can we achieve together . I never once looked at someone and thought what can I get being with him or how will others view me if I am with him. I have looked at my partner of 9 years and thought wow what a good man and what can we build together in the future , when I look at him after so long together I think wow we have done so much and come so far . We have built a relationship on respect and mutual caring and have a wonderful daughter that will soon be 3. We have built a happy life together never asking "well what will you do for me?" or "what can you give me?" nor "how can you make my life easier?" We just did things naturally they made life easier taking care of each other body , heart and soul no questions asked.
As I age watching my toddler and nieces and nephews grow I hope some of the days from my past can make a come back and the kids in the future can learn true friendship and value it.
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