April Showers and Tears

I hate the month of April but love it as well, April showers bring May flowers Spring is here.

Last Year in April my life changed again that April my stepfathers mother died I had thought of her as a second grandmother and she was the only grandmother I was close to when I was young and older as well she has been the only grandmother I knew well enough since I was 8 years old I saw her more than my own blood related grandmother.
To my further dismay my blood related grandmother my fathers mother died a week after in the span of 2 weeks I lost both my grandmothers and became an emotional wreck I ended up dropping out from my internship at the daycare which lead to me being kicked out my course, with two months left to go I was no longer able to finish my college course something I regret on top of that my cat had died as well.

Last April I had to deal with 3 deaths and a broken dream although I always act like it is nothing I had worked so hard and had many good memories during the time I was in college and I felt I let down the people who were supporting me and encouraging me like my friend Ira who died a few months later. I always say it's fine I can take the classes I'm missing but the truth is I do not know if I really can since it's not on my trnscript that I even took the course so its as though I wasted my time though the things done in that time weren't a waste since I learnt so much but at the same time a part of me cant help wondering what a waste.

I bet if the younger me could see me now she would totally kick my ass at the way I have behaved the last 8 years.

Currently listening to.....