There are definitely too many things that have happened since I have been gone.
I've gotten over a majority of my social anxiety thanks to my beautiful twin nieces whom I love and fawn over pretty hardcore at one point my Instagram was almost only cats and nieces as a theme. Since I am so devoted to my furbabies , I have 3 cats one is a rescue from the streets the other a rescue from possible abandonment . I accepted the fact I will probably be single til I die and embraced my destiny as being a crazy cat lady aunt.
In other news I've spent a long time being sick all thanks to having gotten a bacteria in my stomach since then everything in that regard went down hill , it's been a rather ugly battle. Life is a bit uncomfortable for me with a stomach that just wants to rebel against me but I'm living my life as best I can regardless of the annoyance.
I have been getting fertility treatment next month there will be some minor surgery , my doctor didn't want to wait to do an MRI and said that it would be uicker this way since he can fix anything that's wrong right away depending on what they see with the little camera they will set sail in my lady tube up towards my ovary how pleasant -NOT ! though at least this time I will be under general anaesthetic unlike the previous appointment I had where they apparently cleared my left tube and had me crying there on the table as it felt like I was being stabbed from the inside as this thing he called the wire was passing through the tube . That agony had me in agony for over a week YAY I get to do something similar to it all over again . I definitely want a child and I definitely think the pain will be worth it in the long run if I am able to have a child but Hope doesn't make the process hurt any less sadly.
My grandfather passed away and I find it a bit depressing today since it's the death anniversary , but I celebrated life by celebrating my brothers birthday today as well. I lit a candle in my grandfathers memory and hope that he is resting peacefully with his wife by gods side. My grandfather encouraged me in ways no one else had when I was growing up it was maybe just a small thing but I was glad I got to tell him how much it meant to me before he died. When I was 13 my grandfather asked me "do you still want to be a writer?" to which I replied "yes" and then he gave me my very first electric typewriter! I swear it was the most magical happy moment for me. nothing could have encouraged me to keep writing more than that had. I wish I had been able to write my thoughts down in french and share something with him before his death but I never did however I know he knew I was still writing and still loved poetry and reading .
Recently I think about the encounters I've had in my life and what I would like to share , teach and pass on not only to a child of my own some day but to the children that call me Auntie. I have learned so many important things in life and I think that these lessons I have learned are good ones to share with others. What are some of those lessons?
1. No matter how much it hurts things can always get better , I lived through hell at a rather age and yet as bad as it seemed to be back then I can now smile and say I had some really great times amidst that hell I called my childhood.
2. Some friends are enemies and some enemies are friends but sometimes we just don't see it when I was in grade school I had 2 friends that I was really close with Jennifer and Melissa they were kinda frienemies they would go between being good friends to enemies in a matter of hours sometimes but we always made it work. When high school came along Jen and I we still hung out Melissa on the other hand made some new friends , friends that liked to look down on me and put me down teasing taunting and picking on me. Not that I let any of it really get me down I ignored them for most part and stood my ground talking back to them. The thing was that in one of my year books she wrote in it that I was a great friend and to not listen to what others had to say about me. I was pretty infuriated by that message because if I was such a great friend to her why did she pretty much abandon me and why was she letting her friends do all that to me without once trying to stand up for me to her friends. She told me not to listen to what others said about me even though those people talking about me were her new bestfriends. Then there was this other girl in my art class also named Melissa and we didn't get along at all we would start insulting each other the moment we saw each other. And yet that same girl that I argued with and insulted on a regular basis actually stuck up for me when others were trying to put me down and accuse me of things and start rumours about me. So the enemy in that moment because a friend and the friend had become an allied with my enemies making her an enemy as well. And that is just 1 event in which I had learned that but there are many other such situations that have happened since the 7th grade.
3. You will not keep all your childhood friends til you or they die but you will always have 1 friend that no one can split you apart from who will always be on your side loving both the good and bad parts of you because together those parts of you make you who you are a person they love and wouldn't trade for the world. I met my best friend about 19 years almost 20 years ago and when I first saw her there was this urgent feeling that I must be friends with her. I felt this feeling deep in my soul and felt like someone outside myself was telling me I must be her friend. She had different plans though. She didn't want to be friends with me at all , I figure I must have been an awful lot like a loyal puppy to her and she had just moved from a different province and didn't want to really make any close friends believing she would go back. I ended up stalking her pretty much ... seriously it was just by chance as I was walking home I saw her in her front yard and I attempted to talk to her, I then started to go over to her house imposing myself on her haha. Her mom let me in but since she would ignore me I kept company with her little sister eventually she started to get jealous of her sister like "you came her to see me why are you only spending time with Jessie?!" and then it was hook line and sinker she was finally my friend. We always had a really special friendship one that was always more like a sisterhood we would even wear matching outfits without even knowing what the other would be wearing to school, she would be wearing the top that went with my pants or vice verso. There were so many people who tried to tear us apart because a friendship like ours was a real precious treasure and we treated it like the jewel it was. Even if we would argue we could never stay made we would look at each other and start smiling or laughing it was a situation I never had with anyone else that "why can't I stay mad a you for more than 5 minutes?" type of feeling. So many people have tried to break up our friendship but even though we live a good distance from each other nothing can tear our family apart. There is someone out there who will always be your friend if you treat them the way they should be treated you will never be alone.
There are so many other lessons I have learned but this post has already gotten pretty long ^.^
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