House of cards

my house of cards fell in
one thing after another stress over stress pain over pain things continued to build
the house of cards fell atop me
I felt the world crashing to my feet from my shoulders

why is it such a have the times been hard? I wish I knew
I have been feeling lonely more so that one of the people I count on is no longer around but maybe this is a good thing although it is both painful and lonely
I need to worry only of myself and stop worrying about others
that doesn't help me much but hey I'll do what I need to do
I can get through anything who cares who is there are not
I have spent a majority of my time alone or feeling lonely so why should it matter now?
I will throw my worries my feels my heart itself if I have to out to the wind and let them go with out a worry without a care.
What is the point of having friends if at the end of the day I still feel lonely?
why hate life when I have a roof over my head and some sort of food in my stomach and some kind of health there are people who have less in life and love it more than I do.
I am thankful for all god has given me and taken from me I am sure it was to teach me something I do not know what but I am sure his intention was not for me to feel unconfident and like someone worthless of any and everything.

time for me to have another metamorphasis perhaps
I do not trust easily nor do I give my heart as easily but sometimes I give it all freely and then later I get hurt and regret doing so but no more regretting opening my heart and giving in to others instead I am going to be thankful for having them in my life and move on to the next life lesson I am meant to learn.

I have been doing good in school regardless of all my stress and all my conflicting thoughts and feelings. I have almost always been good in school regardless of how bad everything else in my life has been so it's no surprise I am still able to do well though I regret dropping out of college but that was because it was for the good of the children since I really was unstable.

it's 9:08 pm now and I am going to go to bed since I am ill at the moment

this is the song I am listening to right now