you don't know my heart

I was talking to an important friend yesterday.

When talking about my heart I compared it to a marshmellow soft and mush yet hardens when left out and melts when heated.

My heart heals and it looks as though there are no scar just like a marshmellow my heart sticks back together messily.

there are people in this world in my life who know my heart very well , and yet they know so little about it as well. They know my feels I share they know their places in my heart but they know not of the pain in it or the fear in it.

I never truly show my true self after all the pain I've been through I learned to just hide things inside for most part.

I rarely show the bad sides to my heart or mind to the people in my life.
My friends only know the me I let them see, when I try to show them who I am inside I feel like I am being told I am someone I am not. I show who I really am how I really am and have people telling me thats not who I am , do I not know myself?

I am an emotional wreck often having spent so many years fighting depression,abuse at home, abuse at school , self abuse, and abuse by friends and partners.
Throughout the years those things have not helped me to be happy but I have found some happiness amoung friends, my online friends do not know many of the situations I have had to face and in some ways I wish I knew them during that time when I needed people like them the most.

I wish that I could open my heart to everyone so they can seem the many scars still half scabbed and bleeding on my heart but I have too much barriers and pride I guess for me to show them the little girl and the real me hiding inside the me I show them.

I wish I could show them my many sides and not just the sides I believe are my better ones along with a few weaknesses in the mix.

The song I am listening to at the moment is Cry by Rihanna I once related to this song I still remember feeling the same way as the song.