giving up

I'm really not fair
but I am dying here
trying to obtain something
I can not hold
how brave and bold
I must have appeared
how strong I always pretend to be
just like a weed
however I feel more like a sunflower seed
beauty surrounds me
I am like the sunflower
I reach for the sun
and I bend under the weight
I am fragile and easy to break
and yet I look so bold and strong
I guess I am an all or nothing type after all
I wish I never fell
I'm putting myself through hell
but that will come to an end
I will say good bye to my friends
I can't make ammends right now
back to life back to reality
i love romance but it's not for me
I'm tired of hurting people and being hurt by them
I am tired of being in love and yet being alone
so I wont think about it
I will bury myself in life
in living for my tomorrows
so I can move beyond my yesterdays

being in love isn't easy and when you cannot be with the person you are in love with it's even harder and when you can no longer talk as freely and openly with that person it becomes harder yet.
I am in love with my bestfriend who lives oceans away from me, he carries his own scars as I carry mine. I love him and treasure him so he will always remain an important person in my life regardless of the paths we take in life.
I wish for his happiness maybe abit more than I wish for my own, but I am going to start only focusing on me and living only for me and just trying my best to get out of this life I am living.
I can't help who I love or how fast and how often I fall in love with that person, but I need to focus on what I can get, have and do.

who knows maybe he will find someone closer to him to be with and maybe my feelings will change and I will fall for someone here as well.

only tomorrow knows what will happen tomorrow