it's been awhile

I was thinking what to write before I even clicked on new post, I was going to start this post with some lame excuse.
I have not posted in a full day not because there was nothing to say or there was nothing on my mind.
I had so much on my mind I didn't know what to write, how to start where to finish or even how to be myself infront of the eyes of strangers reading this, people I probably will never even meet.
I am someone who refuses to let others silence my voice and yet here I was mute unwilling or able to spread my words and feelings across the page before me for them to read.

Ir's Been Awhile-Staind

it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own 2 feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I could say I loved myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone & fucked thing up again, again....

Why must I feel this way...
Just make this go away...
Just one more peaceful day

it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem, to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry


this is my song of the night this song popped into my head as I decided to start to write this post, the title of this post is after this song.


music is a wonderful thing it heals and makes us feel things we keep buried inside for ourselves.

When I was around 13 I had this friend lets call her Mandy, Mandy and I were close I guess you could say we were bestfriends.
Mandy had a big brother who was bestfriends with my cousin, we grew close quickly thanks to that bond.
Mandy and I liked ALOT of the same things especially music, we loved all the same bands.

Mandy lived downstairs from me, she was on the bottom floor and I live on the 3rd.
I would sleep at Mandy's house most weekends , we would have girl time and talk, over one summer alone we had so many heart to hearts I felt as though she was one of my soul sisters.

Mandy to this day is the only friend I ever had that I would cry listening to music with, we couldn't help ourselves when we were together listening to music we would cry listening to some of the songs.
I have many fond memories of my years of friendship with Mandy , which sadly has come to an end .

The memories I will never truly forget are not the girl talks about the cute french guys on our block and at the park we hung out at, nor the times we shared heartbreaking poems and wrote confession poems to deliver to guys.
When I think of my years being friends with Mandy I think glass soda pop bottles, Coconut oil lotion, Aaron Carter, Mariah Carey, Spice Girls, BSB,98 degrees,Nsync and the feelings of sister hood, laughter, friendship, support, love and pain.

It's been awhile since I thanked god for the people he gave me in life even if we grew apart , went our own sperate ways or they simply moved ahead to the afterlife to await my arrival at the so called pearly gates.

It's been awhile since I recalled all the good god gave me in my life, walking around using the pain I experienced in my life as a blindfold.
To me music reminds me of everything in my life , and it reminds me that I am not alone in this life.

I believe in order for a song to be appreciated and good the singer and the writer must feel and believe what they are singing.
The reason why so many people love country western and the old classics is easy for me to understand, they had meaning and they were real.
People can relate to things that are real and that makes the song enjoyable we can feel it's not just a bunch of words.

Paul Anka is an amazing artist all his songs have feeling , his song Diana was one of the most bought 45s at the time and I believe the reason behind that is because the song is sincere. Paul Anka wrote a song for his babysitter and sang the verse for the world to hear and the world loved it.

this bunny need better brand of batteries until I am recharged I leave this post for you to ponder does she have add aka adhd the answer is no I am a bunny I am active like that lol