thoughts

Thoughts spin round my mind
Words I wish to say
to so many people
I never hold back
and yet I do

I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to hurt myself
I have spent my life hurting
I just want something else

I am known as the girl
the girl who speaks her mind
but I cannot speak my mind this time
I don't want to make you cry

I gotta be myself
but I can't be cruel to be kind
I have to search inside myself
I need to search my mind

my heart has things to say
but my mouth wont work right
not matter how I try to say them
they will never come out right

I am always in the middle
a place I don't mind to be
except for when I am hurting
and guilty by association
it's so fucking complicated

if I could get all my thoughts
every frustration out
would I still feel like a bomb
whose time was running out

I keep everything inside myself
even when I shouldn't
I do the things that keep me sane
even when I shouldn't
I shouldn't scream and shout
and yet I really should
if I let it all out
I am sure it would do me good
I wish I was that type
instead here I am trying to write
trying to vent
but my emotions have been spent
too long pent up inside
when did the person I was die